Saturday, April 09, 2011

Living alone makes you supremely paranoid.

Like a couple of nights ago when I heard a sound in my living room/kitchen. I got up from bed and grabbed the first weapon shaped thing I could find (a lampshade, I'm an idiot) and crept out of my room, lampshade brandished in front of me, to check the other rooms in my apartment.

I'm paranoid beyond belief. A leaky faucet in the kitchen is someone here to steal my laptop (the only worldly possession I own that is worth anything at all to a burglar). So is any other random noise I hear.

The funny thing is that during the day I'm fine. It's at night, when I'm curled up in bed, that I start to freak out. That's one of the reasons I use a white noise generator at night, so that the little noises coming from the pipes or my refrigerator, won't have me checking the apartment every 10 minutes.

What made me think of writing this was that I came back from getting a couple of sodas from the soda machine upstairs (left my front door unlocked since I was only going up one floor) and my bathroom door was shut. This was odd, because, unless I have guests, the doors in my house pretty much all stay open 100% of the time. I was carrying two cans of soda, a bowl of popcorn and a candy bar (it's superhero movie marathon night) and I still ninja-kicked my way into the bathroom, turned on the light and checked every inch of the room for hidden burglars/rapists.

I don't even live in that bad a part of town! If I lived in a bad area I would be 1000x worse!

Even worse is this.

When I moved out my mother (or maybe my father) told me not to take on a burglar myself. If I thought someone was breaking in I should lock my bedroom door, call the cops and not, under any circumstances, take up arms and fight the intruder off.

What do I do when I think someone is in my apartment? I attempt to threaten them with lampshades, bowls of popcorn and cans of pepsi. Yep...I'm terrifying. 

Friday, April 08, 2011

The Conservative New Ager: Books for Conservatives: The Sword of Truth: Wizard’s First Rule

The Conservative New Ager: Books for Conservatives: The Sword of Truth: Wizard’s First Rule

Oh this post is so much truth that it practically hurts to read it. It's like getting punched in the face after drinking a pan-galactic gargle blaster. That's how much the truth hurts folks. But it hurts slightly less since it's wrapped in the guise of a lesson from a fantasy novel.

Read it and then read it again, please. For me *clasped hands, pout and rapid eye-lash fluttering* Ow! Shit...sorry, there was something in my eye. Just read it okay?

Sometimes you have to laugh so you won't scream

I fully admit that I probably don't keep up with news outside of my state or national news, so when things like teacher's unions in Wisconsin or gay rights issues in Indiana are happening I usually am out of the loop until it gets big enough to hit national news (or the Advocate, whichever comes first).

So when I saw this link on Autostraddle about the push for anti-sodomy laws to be removed from the books in Montana being stalled because of a 75 year old Mormon Republican Senator...well I was intrigued. I haven't kept up with this particular piece of legislation so I read the article and it was the typical "gays are going to try to recruit people by having public sex and kissing people of the same sex right out in the open where anyone can see it! Oh god! Won't someone think of the children!!!" bullshit that typically happens when the religious right gets involved in anything to do with gay rights.

There was nothing particularly amusing or different all, until I came to this quote from Ken Peterson, the senator in question.
“Homosexuals can’t go out into the heterosexual community and try to recruit people, or try to enlist them in homosexual acts,” Peterson says.'

So far, very normal right? At least until he takes a turn into batshit crazy land and nearly succeeded in making me choke on my Starbucks for the second time in two days. (Maybe I should stop drinking coffee while I'm reading news articles, but it's a morning tradition now. Coffee, news, crazy things religious people say, coughing and choking on coffee.)
Anyway, this is what he said.

'He provides an example: “‘Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it.”

For one thing, no one talks like that!* For another thing, gay people aren't in the practice of randomly seducing straight people they meet on the least not normally. And lastly, "young man"? Lesbians are still invisible to politicians apparently...I feel like marching up the driveway of this morons house, dressed in flannel and carrying a sign that says "Hey, aren't you worried about lesbians seducing young women into "homosexual acts" as well?"


I laugh at this idiot, because if I didn't I would likely cry. Oh humanity...I'm losing my faith in your intelligence.

*Okay, I may have once said something similar to that when I was slightly drunk at a party with a straight female friend, but it was a joke...mostly...and the phrasing of it was the alcohol's fault since I have two drunk settings, Southern and overly proper and classy.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Scientists discussing geoengineering techniques make me giggle.

I know that it's wrong to pick at only one line of an article and make fun of it, because usually that means it has been taken out of context or something of that nature, but I had to make fun a particular line in this article about ways to stop global warming. It is from The Huffington Post, so I try not to take it too seriously, but...

In the interest of not taking this out of context, I will quote the paragraph the sentence appears in and simply bold the sentence in question.

"There's the `slippery slope' view that as soon as you start to do this research, you say it's OK to think about things you shouldn't be thinking about," said Steve Rayner, co-director of Oxford University's geoengineering program. Many geoengineering techniques they have thought about look either impractical or ineffective.

Painting rooftops white to reflect the sun's heat is a feeble gesture. Blanketing deserts with a reflective material is logistically challenging and a likely environmental threat. Launching giant mirrors into space orbit is exorbitantly expensive.

This is why scientists both rule and are sometimes considered ridiculous. They have actually considered and discussed launching giant mirrors into space in order to combat global warming. And the only reason listed for not going ahead with this plan was that it was too expensive. I'm betting their list of reasons for why they should do it including "Because it's fucking bad-ass man." and "It's totally what they would do in some ecological disaster movie like Day After Tomorrow or 2012."

I have to point out that some of the other ideas listed after that were quite good and you should read the rest of the article, but I am no scientist so I don't feel qualified to really commentate on the rest of the ideas. All I can say is that I knew I had to write this blog because when I read that one sentence I started laughing so hard that I nearly choked to death on my Starbuck's coffee.

7.4 earthquake struck the coast of Japan last night

I'm not the praying sort, you probably already know this if you read my blog with an regularity, but if I was I would be praying right now.
The U.S. Geological Survey said the quake was centered 41 miles (66 kilometers) from Sendai -- one of the areas worst hit by last month's 9.0-magnitude quake -- and 73 miles (118 kilometers) from Fukushima, where a crisis has been under way at the nuclear plant since last month's tsunami. 
according to CNN the workers at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant were evacuated after the quake hit the area, but Tokyo Electric Power Company says that it has communication with the plant and the power is still on. The quake has not caused further damage to the plant, but that could be more a cover story to keep panic down than anything else. At least in my opinion it could be...companies and countries like to play down the seriousness of situations until they get so big that no one can ignore them anymore.

Tsunami advisories are out for four prefectures in Japan, but The Pacific Tsunami Warning Center is saying that a Pacific wide tsunami is not expected. That says nothing, however, of whether Japan will suffer through yet another tsunami, though.

Personally I'm beginning to wonder if the whole island isn't just going to sink into the Pacific Ocean at this point...

On top of that, these continuous earthquakes are putting constant new pressure on the San Andreas fault in California. Which the University of California believes (or believed in 2005 at least) is just itching for a chance to explode into the next "big one" since the southern section of the fault has not had a large earthquake in at least 300's been building up a lot of frustration and this added pressure from the Japanese quakes can not be helping.

Now I'm not a geologist, though I took a semester class and lab in it my first year of college, but I give the San Andreas 10 years, max, before a "big one" (earthquake over 7.0 magnitude) hits. Maybe we should by some property on the eastern side of the fault, we might end up with beach front property if the quake is large enough to shake most of California off the side of the country.

In anycase, bringing this blog back to it's original topic, I hope that the people in Japan (those who have not already passed on) will be safe in this time.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Glenn Beck leaving Fox

Okay, I was actually going to do a really great post about this, but I got distracted by a REALLY good book at work today and now that I'm home...well my brain is hurting very badly. I really hate headaches.

Anyway, I would have thought I would have more mixed feelings about Beck leaving, but the truth is I'm not upset one bit. I, personally, believe he's been going for the ratings vs. reality a little too much over the past few months and, while he makes some interesting historical points, he's more of a laughing stock at the moment than he is anything else. (Of course it would be nice if Hannity left as well, I hate that guy...I really do.)

Beck had this annoying habit of bringing his, frankly, fucking insane religious beliefs into play a little too often on the show. Catholics and Mormons, man...two groups I can't stand, but at least O'Reilly tries to be mostly rational.

Of course, the best part of Beck leaving is this little petition a friend sent me a link to. A petition to get Red Eye W/Greg Gutfeld moved to prime time instead of it's ridiculously late night slot. I know...if it moves to a new time then the name won't make as much sense, but it would be nice to have my favorite show on Fox News moved up to a better time slot. It could finally compete with John Stewart and Stephen Colbert, if I had to chose one of those three to watch it would be Red Eye every time, because...seriously? The Greg-A-Logues are enough reason right there.

On a personal note. It finally rained here in desert land, USA. I couldn't be more pleased...though the weather is being more bipolar than usual. Is there anyway to inject Valium into the atmosphere? I'm beginning to think we need it.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

Observations from my weekend

When two people like each other and they have essentially the same personality, their insanity will only get exponential even crazier when they start dating.

The internet, while bringing people together and forging great friendships, can crush a newly reborn friendship flat with just one miscommunication. Twitter makes this even more likely to happen...140 characters doesn't leave a lot of room to explain yourself.
Edit: Sometimes texting can fix this =)

The dream of owning your own business is wonderful, the reality involves paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork and very possibly selling your eternal soul to the dark lord. (I'm not sure which one yet, could be Sauron, Voldemort, Satan, take your pick.) is always always always going to lie to you in some way about what the temperature will be in your city. Sometimes this is not a problem, but sometimes it's off by 15 degrees and THAT is a problem.

Medication which says "may cause loss of appetite" actually means "HAHA, SUCKER, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO EAT MORE THAN A SINGLE FRENCH FRY OF SOLID FOOD ALL DAY. LIQUID DIET FOR YOU BITCH!"

AHCCCS is satanic.

Singles dinners are mostly a big disappointment, especially if you are a fairly picky person about who you date.

Being an adult kinda sucks.

Bagpipe music is always always awesome, especially if your neighbors hate it.

Athletic shoes cost a lot more than they should, a LOT more.

Sales at Old Navy still feel like highway robbery compared to how much an outfit costs at Goodwill.

When you've been out all day in 100 degree weather you will not be as much fun to play Apples2Apples with as you usually are.
But sometimes a theme will arise in your winning cards that can be a little disturbing none the less.
All I needed was "White van with no windows" and "free candy" to complete this set.

And that, dear readers, is all I have to say to you today.