Saturday, April 09, 2011

Living alone makes you supremely paranoid.

Like a couple of nights ago when I heard a sound in my living room/kitchen. I got up from bed and grabbed the first weapon shaped thing I could find (a lampshade, I'm an idiot) and crept out of my room, lampshade brandished in front of me, to check the other rooms in my apartment.

I'm paranoid beyond belief. A leaky faucet in the kitchen is someone here to steal my laptop (the only worldly possession I own that is worth anything at all to a burglar). So is any other random noise I hear.

The funny thing is that during the day I'm fine. It's at night, when I'm curled up in bed, that I start to freak out. That's one of the reasons I use a white noise generator at night, so that the little noises coming from the pipes or my refrigerator, won't have me checking the apartment every 10 minutes.

What made me think of writing this was that I came back from getting a couple of sodas from the soda machine upstairs (left my front door unlocked since I was only going up one floor) and my bathroom door was shut. This was odd, because, unless I have guests, the doors in my house pretty much all stay open 100% of the time. I was carrying two cans of soda, a bowl of popcorn and a candy bar (it's superhero movie marathon night) and I still ninja-kicked my way into the bathroom, turned on the light and checked every inch of the room for hidden burglars/rapists.

I don't even live in that bad a part of town! If I lived in a bad area I would be 1000x worse!

Even worse is this.

When I moved out my mother (or maybe my father) told me not to take on a burglar myself. If I thought someone was breaking in I should lock my bedroom door, call the cops and not, under any circumstances, take up arms and fight the intruder off.

What do I do when I think someone is in my apartment? I attempt to threaten them with lampshades, bowls of popcorn and cans of pepsi. Yep...I'm terrifying. 

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