Monday, March 28, 2011

A Lesson for Women Everywhere

Straight or gay (or anything in between), all women know that sex appeal can get a guy to do what they want....unless it's a gay guy, in which case you threaten them with boobs instead of seduce them. Same product, different sales tactic.

Sex appeal works for many women, but we have certain guys we just are not going to use it on. I'm not going to flirt to get a homeless guy to move and give me a seat on the train, I'd rather stand. However, when my obnoxious and hot (I'm a lesbian, not dead) new neighbor (turns out it was neighborS, plural) started playing his electric guitar far to loudly AGAIN on a work night I finally decided to go over and tell him to turn it down or I was going to resort to drastic measures...involving his amp and a sledge hammer.

I wasn't intentionally dressed in short shorts and a tank top, I had been wearing them while I cleaned before dinner and hadn't changed, but I figured a little sex appeal wouldn't hurt. So I opened my door, stomped over next door and knocked loudly. Moments later the door is opened, but not by the "dude in 306" as I've taken to calling him, but by his father or uncle or some other male relative who is past middle age, balding and wearing nothing but socks and his underwear.

I had been under the misconception that the hot dude who moved in was playing the guitar...not his creepy father type person.

So here I am. Short shorts, tank top and no bra and the entire time I'm explaining that the amp is turned up way to loud and it's blasting the sound into my apartment...the father type person is staring at my boobs. Finally he says "Yeah, sure, I'll turn it down" and I say thanks and scurry back into my place feeling really kind of in need of a shower.

So the lesson here ladies. Be really sure who you are going to be giving that sales pitch too before you knock on the door...'cause if it isn't who you are expecting then things can get downright creepifyin'.

No comments: